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Henry Paz

41: Los Padres, los Hijos, La Vida

Los hijos pueden ser de manera simultánea la cosa más querida y la más poco comprendida de nuestras vidas.

En mi caso, a pesar de tener un hijo de 20 años y una hija de 17, todavía no he logrado descubrir el origen de ese amor tan intenso que despiertan en nosotros. Puede ser el más puro instinto de sobrevivencia como especie, o podría ser una expresión más individual del miedo que nuestro ego siente a verse aniquilado en el momento de la muerte que nos hace ver a los hijos como una forma de perpetuar, o al menos extender, nuestra existencia en este mundo.

Lo que está claro es que los padres/madres estamos dispuestos a hacer sacrificios extremos por ellos y desde el momento que nacen, el miedo más intenso es que algo malo llegue a pasarles. Esto permite cosas muy positivas, como la sobrevivencia de los seres humanos, la mejora intergeneracional, etc., pero como todas las cosas en este mundo bipolar en el que vivimos, también puede desarrollar un lado oscuro no tan positivo cuando el padre o la madre pierden de vista que los hijos no son su propiedad, que no son una extensión de sus propias vidas, que no vinieron a este mundo a cumplir con aquellos sueños que ellos no pudieron lograr, y que ninguna vida será completa si su único propósito es criar a sus hijos.

Ellos vienen a este mundo a vivir sus propias vidas, no las nuestras; a cumplir sus propios sueños, no los nuestros; a disfrutar de la vida de acuerdo con sus propios gustos y preferencias, no de acuerdo con las nuestras; a manifestar sus talentos, que pueden o no ser los nuestros, y en última instancia, a cumplir con su misión de vida que definitivamente no es la nuestra.

Nuestro papel como padres/madres no es dirigirlos hacia lo que nosotros creemos que es su mejor vida, sino primero protegerlos mientras sea necesario, entendiendo que a medida que crezcan esta protección será cada vez menos importante por lo que debemos irla retirando gradualmente, dejando que cometan sus propias decisiones y sus propios errores, y segundo, darles la confianza y la libertad necesaria para que emprendan su propio viaje de autodescubrimiento y auto conocimiento, de forma que puedan vivir la vida que su alma necesita experimentar en este ciclo.

El éxito como padres/madres no debe ser medido en base a cuánto se parece nuestro hijo a nosotros, en el sentido de que profese nuestra misma religión, siga a nuestros mismos equipos deportivos, se termine dedicando a los mismos oficios o carreras profesionales que nosotros, etc. si no a que tanto expresa sus verdaderos y genuinos sentimientos, preferencias y vocaciones, y a que tanta confianza tiene para enfrentar la vida en sus propios términos.

Más allá de los principios centrales de la existencia humana (respeto por la vida, igualdad de oportunidades, libertad, etc.) debemos dejar que sean ellos quienes decidan la forma como caminarán sus respectivos caminos.

Y nosotros, los padres/madres, no debemos perder de vista que el papel de padre/madre es intenso, fundamental para nuestra sobrevivencia como especie, tan sacrificado como placentero y sin duda conforma una parte muy importante de nuestras vidas, pero no es el único. Nosotros, todos, tenemos un papel que cumplir más allá de la reproducción. Todos tenemos un regalo que dar al mundo y es precisamente a eso que hemos venido. En la medida en la que entreguemos ese regalo es que nos sentiremos más satisfechos con nuestras vidas, y mientras más lejos de hacerlo estemos más experimentamos una vida llena de crisis existenciales y emociones negativas.  

Así que a todos los padres allá afuera, felicidades por sus esfuerzos, ustedes son verdaderos héroes. Solo recuerden que sus hijos deben vivir sus propias vidas de acuerdo con sus propias maneras y que el papel de padres/madres no los releva de la responsabilidad/placer de vivir sus propias vidas.

Cambridge, Massachusetts. Sábado 07 de noviembre, 2020.

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